(SPOILER: everything is better than pineapple pizza. Name a random pizza topping: it’s 100% better than pineapple.)
As Italians we have a variety of stereotypical things that we are really fond of like football and organized crime, but the most important of them all is pizza. And you guys around the world are making a lot of mistakes with it: first of all, pizza is our business and things like dip dish and other fakes should be called a different name than “pizza”; second of all, if it is real pizza, you can eat an entire one without worrying about calories (an average margherita weighs 300g and has 813 kcal while your average daily intake should be 2000, making it acceptable as a complete meal). But most important of all, putting pineapple on pizza is like committing a crime.
Here’s a list of things you should never put on your pizza that are still better than pineapples.
It’s not that you put tomato sauce, mozzarella and Nutella together, that would make anyone throw up… it’s just a lightly salted pizza pie, which you put in the oven and when it’s cooked you spread Nutella on. Not a real pizza but still yummy.
6) BBQ Chicken
I know this one is really popular in the UK, but here in Pizzaland we don’t usually put chicken on our pizza, we prefer charcuterie like prosciutto or salami… but chicken is still quite acceptable and it can taste really good.
As the one above but worse because Kebab Pizza often comes with white sauce or hot sauce on it, and no one sane would ever put sauces on their pizza.
4) French fries + ketchup
Mixing 2 carbs is never a smart thing to do. And then again, “sauces on pizza are delicious!” said no one ever.
In case you don’t know, carbonara is a super yummy pasta dressing with egg yolk and cheek lard. If you put this thing on a pizza, you’ll end up digesting the whole thing in at least not less than a week.
Fish pizza can be a gourmet kind of pizza. But we generally choose prawns, clums and this sort of things; smoked salmon at best… but certainly not raw fish.
As you can see, all these pizzas are crimes against humanity, but they are still better than pineapple pizza. Pineapple pizza is the incarnation of Satan.